14 Essential factors to consider as a Woman before saying ‘I Do’
Marriage has been there since time immemorial and it is seen as a tradition which goes on irrespective of the skin colour, height, beliefs, race, age and gender.
In the olden days marriage is seen as a liaison for economic reasons and family engagements. However, it has evolved with time to be recognised as a union of people in l0ve and are willing to spend a lifetime together.
Marriage is therefore defined by experts as a union of two or more people which is legally binded by a contract.
This essential culture is also called matrimony, it acts as a social and legal contract that gives a partner someone to rely on, brings a greater degree of intimacy and emotional security.
Read On: 20 Signs To Prove He is not Ready To Put his ring on your finger
It’s therefore worth noting that getting married is a big deal and it’s not all just about the wedding but what will last the couple a lifetime. Many ladies are given everything just to be walked on the aisle with their dream man to say “I Do” to all the necessary vows to have the man by herself to live happily ever after.
But before you say “I do” there are essential factors to consider which goes beyond the man simply being your dream man. It is crucial to start a marriage life with:
1) Honesty and Trust
You can never give your consent or say I do to a dishonest man who has failed several times in diverse ways in the relationship. Yes! Humans are dynamic, hence they do change over time but pay careful attention to the red flags before committing yourself into marriage.
A chronic womaniser character does not change overnight. Make sure the man you will say I do to is someone who has proven himself as trustworthy enough to leave your life into his hands as the head of the family you are yet to build.
2) Religion and Beliefs
Some marriages did not see the light of the day due to the beliefs of the spouse. There are couple who fail to consider their belief system but after they said I do, their beliefs and religious affiliation become problem. There is therefore the need to know your partner’s religious affiliation and belief to know if both can understand, accept and contain eachother’s religious views and beliefs.
3) Finances
You must know eachother’s finances before saying I do. This does not make the lady a gold-digger but makes her fully aware of what she is involving herself in. In as much as many view ladies as the ones after money, some men are also freeloaders who have debts hanging around their necks and looking for a prey to use to settle that debts.
As a lady don’t be afraid to delve into his finances before saying I do as that will be a consent to pay off his lifetime debts. Be honest about any debt, credit cards and potential overdrafts. This is vital to know as soon as you get engaged to make sure you’re not overspending on a wedding, when he might have debts to clear.
4) Extended Family
There’s a popular African proverb which says we marry the extended family. This simply means marriage is no longer a union between a man and a woman but between the extended. Many marriages have endured the test of time due to the good relationship with the in-laws. Some women’s marriage have survived due to the in-laws shielding the women.
Don’t be among the ladies who are in feud with their in-laws especially the mother. The mothers are always good to to sit their sons down to advise them not to break up with you should the going get tough in marriage. It is therefore important to build a healthy relationship with your in-laws.
5) Health and Comparability
Childlessness mount a lot of pressure on couples. Knowing one’s hemoglobin genotype before choosing a life partner is important because there may be compatibility issues which could have devastating effects when it comes to conception. Though marriage is beyond child bearing depending on the man you have chosen. As some men will support the wife when there’s an issue of child bearing to take adoption and surrogacy as an option many will also not accept the bitter reality and chase after girls elsewhere.
It’s also important to know one’s health status so that you will even know how to consume the marriage. Whether using protection will be necessary if there is underlying health challenges.
6) Séx Life
This might feel a bit awkward, but it’s really important to know the séx life of your partner. Some men are addicted to sëx and will not take no for an answer. Some don’t care getting intimate during time of your monthly circle. If you are one of those who have already consumed the relationship before the actual ring, you should be able to know if something is missing. Whether you like to try a different style or to spice it up if you feel like something isn’t right.
7) Character Traits
It’s essential to know the character traits of your partner to know how you can handle him. Knowing the four temperament and personality traits will give you an overall idea on who you are dealing with and how you can help to cover his weakness as a person. The four temperaments described individuals as sanguine (optimistic, social, and associated with the element of air), Melancholic (analytical, quiet, earth), choleric (short-tempered, irritable, fire), and phlegmatic (relaxed, peaceful, water).
8) Your spouse is not going to complete you
That famous line from “Jerry Maguire” sounds romantic, but don’t expect your partner to complete your life. An expert advised that “It’s really important for you to focus on yourself — not in a selfish way, not in a way that disregards your partner, but in a way where you understand taking care of yourself. This will help to bring your ‘best self’ to the relationship.”
Couples need to be able to have a balance of separateness and togetherness. Having this in mind will give you better understanding on the role you will play in your marriage.
9) Don’t expect so much in the marriage
Some women go into marriage with lots of expectations from only the man: A companion, a passionate lover, financing her and her entire family, the man dancing to the sounds of her voice, good parent, not making a mistake and more. The bottom line is humans are humans and he might have his short comings just like you. He is not an angel therefore don’t expect to live in paradise with all the luxuries from your wild imagination.
In every step of the way, you can equally try to build that paradise you imagined to live in for him. That might make him see a different world he dwells with you to make him act like one of the heavenly beings. But just don’t expect so much to an extent that will break your heart should he not meet that expectations.
10) You won’t always feel “in love.”
You could be with the most perfect partner in the world yet you’re going to go through seasons where you feel like you’re not aligned and you’re not in l0ve. That’s where it’s really important to be grounded in the values that you identify as a couple, versus trying to follow the feelings that you think you’re supposed to be having.
11) Pave room for Conflict
Conflict is inevitable so you will have to recognise your role in resolving it. When you’re in the honeymoon phase, it’s hard to imagine there will be a day for arguments or that your spouse has annoying traits and habits, but all of that awaits. How will you deal with it?
Often, the things you dislike or despise will be what you will witness your partner doing in the later part of your marriage. You will sometimes feel vulnerable, insecure and discomfort. This is the time that you have to sit up to handle well what is in your hand, that is the marriage.
A big piece about how to handle conflict and anger is knowing that it starts with yourself. How you can manage your own anxiety, practice healthy ways of taking care of yourself, and just making sure you’re in a good place to address whatever stressors are happening.
From there, it’s about knowing how to come together and communicate as a couple. People are very quick to respond and react, but what you need to do is to stop, be present and listen in order to come up with a perfect solution without listening to third parties.
12) How will a breach of trust mean to you
Will you be monogamous and committed only to each other, or you will be okay with a more open marriage? It depends on the couple and what their personal boundaries and values are.
What would a betrayal mean to you? For some people, unacceptable behaviour can mean flirting, sending texts or having an emotional affair. For others, the only deal-breaker may be sleeping with someone else. Talk about it before you get married.
13) Don’t call it a quit right away when the going gets tough
Many young married couples get divorced very soon — less than five years into their marriages. There’s a mentality in our world today that if something’s not working for you, get rid of it. But in reality conflicts in marriages and relationships are opportunities to grow. Unless you’re experiencing abuse or other intolerable behaviour, give yourself the chance to try to work things out before regretting the decision of divorcing.
14) Express love
Research by psychologist John Gottman found a “magic” 5-to-1 ratio among healthy couples: For every one negative interaction during a conflict, people in a stable and happy marriage had five or more positive interactions. The positivity is crucial. It’s really important to feel like you’re in a good place, and that is definitely shown through the little acts of love. Not the big things, like planning lavish trips or spending a million bucks on your partner, but just waking up in the morning and giving them a k!ss.
Knowing the above fourteen points before saying “I do” can go a long way to make you a good wife. Women with qualities of a good wife are worthy keepers, and they deserve all the care and respect because they have the purest intentions for the home.
Source: www.spotonnews.net
